Loosing your own mother!!!!

I think it is even harder to loose someone in your life that means so much to you without them being dead... You know they are there, but you know there is nothing there as far as feelings anymore. I know my mother loves me cause she has to but I also know that I have disapointed to her so much that all the love she should have is no longer there! I wish it were, I wish times could go back to just a month ago.

Now that im having such a bad day, I don't want to talk to anyone not even my own husband, so no he has decided to go down to his mothers I guess till its time to go to bed, but I will already be asleep by then!

I just don't know what to do in life anymore, everything has just turned so confusing and NOBODY thinks that I can have a bad day without getting pissed off at me! I am so tired of making everyone happy and trying to please everyone!

Anyone that knows me knows that family is my everything, and in one day basically I lost my everything! FOREVER!!! But it was my choice cause im tired of being second best and playing cat and mouse just to get someone to talk to me! I know I don't have a phone right now and I know you hate texting but if that is the only way to keep in touch with your daughter you would think you would do it anyways! But oh well, Im tired of writing bout this stupid shit! everyone in this world that matters is just pissed off at me and right now I really do not give a shit to tell you the truth! Bout to call it a night and hope maybe just maybe tomorrow will be 100% better, but hey we are talking bout my life lol!!!!

UNTIL TOMORROW, WE WILL SEE WHAT KIND OF DRAMA WE WILL HAVE!

Wont be able to do anything but play outside in the water cause our power is getting turned off cause they wouldn't take some of the payment but I will get it back on Friday, hey there is another screwed up think in my life woohoo!

And as far as my photography, there isn't anyone wanting anything, I guess there are way better people out there now so thinking bout giving it up for good! why keep killing myself over it when there is nothing coming of it!